Debbie or Diane?

Oh, Mom

2012-02-03T00:46:00.002-05:00

Some time ago, I was approached by a brother in church who informed me he knew my mom from working in the family history center. I smiled. "Family history? She's on top of that, isn't she?"

He hesitated. "She has a little trouble with the computers..."

I couldn't help but laugh. I could see in his eyes what all of her children have gone through, bless her.

My sister-in-law just found out she'll have to undergo surgery to get a lump removed. She called my mom to explain the details of the surgery. Afterward, my mom began to describe what will happen.

"So they'll take the whatever out and check it for you know, then with the other side...they'll take both sides out but in the other room they'll, you know, with whatever, then get the stuff out."

Luckily, my dad had spoken with my brother and got the same details so I wasn't confused for long.

passive aggression.

2011-07-11T13:03:00.002-04:00

mom: "and when i came out of the grocery store, that jerk next to me had left his shopping cart right next to my door so i couldn't get in!"
me: "did you knock on his car window to ask him to move it?"
mom: "i rolled the shopping cart right past his car and when i got back to my car, i looked at him like this (imagine funniest mean grimace mom face ever). i told him, i sure did."

if only i could have captured that mean mom face. i'm sure it takes years of practice with at least 6 rotten kids.

Eh?

2011-05-18T00:16:00.000-04:00

Gdeb: So I told her duh-duduh-duduh and I asked Laura and she said the same thing so I said blah blah blah and then that was it.
Me: I have no idea what you're talking about.

How am I supposed to Kinect with you??

2011-03-09T21:29:00.000-05:00

Today Lizzie asked GDeb, "Grandma, you still don't have an xbox?"

Puzzle wrapped in an enigma.

2011-01-04T19:37:00.000-05:00

She moved into a new place and it's wonderful. However, I have had mucho responsibility in the unpacking/decorating/fixing it up department. As in, I have done all of it. She was proud to say she hung up a calendar by herself. Pat pat on the back for that one.

Today MR and I went over to hang a series of pictures of each of her kids. We laid out the photographs on the floor in about 5 different layouts, each time asking her what she thought. She would say, "U-mmm, I don't know, try it a different way." So we'd try it a different way, then go back to the first way and she would proclaim, "Oh, that's nice! What do we think of that?" Mom, it's the same as before. "Oh, it is? Oh."

So we finally picked the layout that was best and I started hanging them on the wall. MR was in charge of Lizzie, so Mom was in charge of holding the laser level against the wall while I measured, nailed, measured, nailed, took out nails, remeasured, etc. We call for MR to come into the room to help with something really quick and Mom says, "Hurry up, I'm getting tired!" Yeah, that little level is pretty heavy.

And speaking of little levels, she has a level that could fit in your shirt pocket. In fact, it has a clip to attach to your pocket. What possible good can this tiny level do? I know not.

trials in preparing family-friendly dessert

2010-08-09T13:42:00.012-04:00

The red blob represents the Jell-O Belt, the region of the world where
Jell-O (TM) is incorporated into more desserts, salads, and
baby formulas than in any other location on Earth

My dad suffers from the dietary restriction of gluten intolerance. There are many everyday staples he cannot eat (ie bread, pasta, pastries) but dairy is on his "good" list. On birthdays he foregos cake and instead gets calory-crazy via the supplemental berries, creams, and ice creams.

at 7:52 last evening:
"Mom, what kind of ice cream did you get to go with the birthday cake?"
"There's brownie fudge or cookies and cream"
"So... two ice creams that contain gluten...?"

Luckily for her the prepare-for-your-own-dietary-needs card might trump the forgetful-mom card in this instance. Nonfat nonflavored yogurt consumed by dad from his secret stash is no less celebratory. Ok maybe a little.

there are internets to remember that for you

2010-08-03T12:14:00.008-04:00

Diane: "I'd rather get dementia than Alzheimer's."
Wikipedia: Alzheimer's is the most common form of dementia

So we can't choose which degenerative illnesses our bodies will generate, but as I see my mother age I continue to encourage her physical, intellectual and social development just as I assume was her intent when she did things like write loving notes to me on napkins and place them in my Teddy Ruxpin lunchbox throughout my elementary and middle school years. While I made sure any cool kids did not catch a glimpse of the embarrassing reminder that I came from a loving family, I was also appreciative and was thus always torn between the functional and emotional purposes of these scraps of paper. To wipe my mouth and fingers, thus rendering the notes unpreservable? Or save them as tokens of her affection, sacrificing cleanliness?

These internal debates were some of my first real-life applicable examples of neuroeconomics. Thank you mom, and I encourage you to not wish upon yourself any loss of cognitive ability at all.

Red Flag

2010-06-23T21:26:00.003-04:00

I know we've posted about this before, but here we go again...

I'm turning into my mother. Yesterday, I had two very important messages to relay to my husband. First, a financial matter, second, what we would be having for dinner. As soon as he got home from work, I gave him a hug and told him both things promptly. He nodded, plugged in his phone to the charger and checked the message I had left him on voicemail saying the exact same thing I had just said to him in the same tone of voice in the same order. He laughed it off, but I almost pooped my pants.

This morning, Tim wouldn't get up. I started to wake him in a gentle voice, then as time ticked away, I got louder and meaner. "This is the last time I'm coming in here to wake you up. I mean it." Okay, maybe that's not what I said and I could be exaggerating a little bit, but it sure felt like the way my mom used to come in on mornings when I wouldn't wake up for school. What is happening to me?! I find that after I got married, mom instincts began surfacing.

"I just emptied the dishwasher. What is this cereal bowl doing in the sink!?"

That's not how I remember it...

2010-03-03T12:27:00.000-05:00

We had lunch with mom today. She ate all her yogurt and then proclaimed, "I ate it all, just like Little Red Riding Hood!"

I gave her a funny look.

"You know, Little Red Riding Hood ate all the pudding."

Changed from a left side funny look to a right side funny look.

"And the bears!"

I just start shaking my head.

Just Been Too Long

2010-02-18T19:26:00.003-05:00

Mom: Hey, Mares, how do you do this thingy?

Me(from the kitchen): Could you be a little more specific?

Mom: Haha, sorry. How do you plug this thingy into here?

Me: Hang on, I'm coming...

Email Subjects

2009-06-07T23:04:00.001-04:00

"What in the world is in my vacuum?"

Soon to followed by:

"Who put my pans there?"

and

"How does a toilet work?"

Attack of the green pants.

2009-04-23T14:04:00.000-04:00

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Long beautiful hair

2008-10-10T13:08:00.003-04:00

We're sitting at the play place in the mall and out of the corner of my eye I see Mom lick her fingers. Then suddenly she comes at me and smoothes down my hair. I am in awe. "Mom, did you just lick your fingers and put them in my hair!?" She is embarrassed as she realizes what she's done. "I couldn't help myself!"

"i like blogging"

2008-09-26T18:02:00.002-04:00

Moms are funny. They do silly things like put their hands on their hips and cock their head. They say things like - geezy peezy. They get all their gossip from Regis and Kelly. But I think the best thing they do (mine does) is overuse quotation marks. I think we may have covered this topic in the past, but these opportunities are too good to pass up.
I sent my mom some good articles on the $700 billion "oopsie-daisy-check" that is currently being handed out to big, bad companies and here was her reply:
Thanks for getting "brief and digestible" articles!!

OK, maybe that is not a good quotation mark example, but another great recent happening is that me and my mom became "gchat buddies". Here is the closing of our first conversation:
Mom: haha i'm SOOOOO tired and i hate packing aahhhhh
love you bye
me: well good luck.
<3
bye!
Deborah: cute!!

I'm going to blow my moms mind with emoticons. Can't you just imagine Debbie saying that? Ahhhhhhh. Haha. oh moms.

On moms texting: Should they do it?

2008-09-04T16:30:00.015-04:00

Diane learned a new trade a couple weeks ago: texting. I support her neo-technoism, she's embracing change and who knows someday she may upgrade to a workable TV antenna. But come on. I doubt it.

Her first text (after the initial announcement of her new skillz) was: I just bought a new ring tone, any guesses on the song?

Me: The Sound of Music?

Mom: I love that song! But no. Guess again!

Me: Um. Claire de Lune?

Mom: Another good guess! (and here's where she showed slight mercy) I'll give you a hint, it's a Carpenters song.

Me: On the Bayou?

Mom: Nope, but that one's energetic and the one I picked is energetic!

Hahahah how many Carpenters songs are there anyway? Why don't you just TELL me which song you picked?

A few days later she was at the beach.

Mom: So, it's been raining the last couple days but we've been having fun! This morning I took a walk along the beach then spent the afternoon reading. And oh I found two starfish!

It was cute.

She'll get the hang of it.

I hope.

Sometimes you feel like a nut

2008-08-31T23:41:00.004-04:00

Julie was trying to get Lizzie to say purple. She repeated over and over, "Lizzie, what color is this? Lizzie, what color?" Julie glances around and sees Mom mouthing the word, "Purple." Was Mom mouthing it for Lizzie, or to let Julie know what color they were looking at?

Mom explains her actions: "Yeah, that's like when somebody is singing a song and they don't sing the last three words and you just have to finish the song."

It's kind of out of the blue, so Julie and I laugh a little and say, "What?"

"Oh you know, when somebody doesn't finish their song. For example: Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.......AlmondJoyshavenuts,Moundsdon't....mumblemumble...."

Maybe you just had to be there but Julie and I were DYING laughing. What was she talking about!?

But I thought about it later and realized she had pilfered this conversation from Gilmore Girls! On a recent episode they said, "Shave and a haircut." After waiting a minute, Rory just had to finish, "Two bits." Oh mom. You're a Girlmore Girl.

I know, I know!

2008-08-30T21:38:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I do too many Dad ones, but COME ON! This is too good to pass up!

So Dad and I are driving the other day and in front of us the bumper sticker reads, "Virginia State University" so I scoff and say, "There is no Virginia State University! Virginia is a Commonwealth!"

"No, Virginia is a state," Dad replies.

"Dad, seriously, Virginia is a Commonwealth."

"It's a state! There are 52 states and Virginia is one of them!"

....

"Dad, there are 50 states!"

"There's 52! No, 51. Alaska; it's the 51st state, right?"

"No.."

"Hawaii?"

"Dad, seriously? There are only 50 states!"

mom's wildest dreams---revealed!

2008-07-28T16:55:00.000-04:00

this story idea was submitted by 2nd (another diane daughter)...

diane has a penchant for all things von trapp. her favorite movie is the sound of music, and she has often compared herself to maria, the protagonist. we recently discovered just how deeply this comparison is embedded in the psyche of diane.

2nd was on a drive through the utah countryside with diane, our aunt, and our grandmother. the aunt and grandmother were in deep conversation about these old acquaintances, the jones. diane had dozed off.

the aunt can't remember the name of one child in this family of acquaintances so she says: hey diane do you remember the youngest jones? --oh, diane's asleep.

diane sits straight up and says: no i'm not! it's gretl!

then she corrects herself: wait, no, that's the von trapps. not the jones.

diane thinks the sound of music is REAL. and that they are CLOSE PERSONAL FRIENDS of hers. and/or that she really is maria incarnate.

2nd's note: that's how imdb spelled gretl, i'd never have guessed.
my note: writing this, i'm reminded that it's real after all. based on the true memoirs of maria von trapp. but that's clearly beside the point.

don't you EVEN do that to mom

2008-07-27T18:50:00.002-04:00

i'm impressed with debbie's ability to totally keep her cool. deb, you have earned an honorary black belt in keeping it real.

mom's birthday calendar

2008-07-25T18:10:00.003-04:00

she emailed me today and wished me a happy 24th of july (pioneer day)

she then exclaimed that it was also the birthday of the mother of an obscure childhood friend who used to be our neighbor when i was like 6. the way she said it so casually yet affectionately ("today's patsy's birthday!"), you would think she was referring to an intimate family member, or at least someone i've thought of more recently than kindergarden.

i had to laugh, envisioning diane, every year for the past 22+ years thinking of that random lady each pioneer day. but yet she can't remember her internet passwords... such a selective memory, that diane.

and yes, someone i've met personally is actually named "patsy."

Do you have a secret life?

2008-07-11T15:48:00.001-04:00

We're talking about the bank. Mom is lamenting working Fridays because everyone comes in to cash their checks.

Mom: I just wish they came up with a new system for all of this, like everyone has a card that shows how much money they have.

Me: Like...a bank card?

Mom (drily): Ha ha ha.

Me: Mom, I don't believe you work in a bank.

Hi, Mom!

2008-07-02T10:00:00.002-04:00

I recently snagged myself quite a man, one even my mother approves of. In fact, she's more crazy about him than I am.

The other day, she made her regular "I'm coming home" call when snagged man and myself were about to eat some Taco Bell *gargley sound* mmm....Taco Bell. I said, "Hey, Snaggy McGhee is here." I put the phone in front of him and he yells out, "Hi, mom!"

The next morning, she sits me down and says..."So. Snagged one is calling me mom?" Then proceeded to raise her eyebrows multiple times. Having just woke up, I was far too out of it to answer coherently, but she continued. "He might just be calling me that forever, huh?" I smiled vacantly and continued rocking in my chair. She giggled.

Look-alikes

2008-05-23T13:15:00.005-04:00

"So Mom, I was just looking through some of my pictures from our vacation and I realized that with my sunglasses on, I look EXACTLY LIKE YOU."

I reached for my sunglasses to show her. She gets a Debbie look on her face and starts digging through her purse and puts HER sunglasses on. The results were fantastic and the resemblance is uncanny.

I've never seen her looking so serious before. I think it is the result of study on the younger generation. What's next, a facebook account? I shudder at the thought.

I said, What??

2008-05-17T18:27:00.002-04:00

Disclaimer--- Mom wants me to write that she was thinking about something else when she was saying this to me.

Mom: Well, it's good to be a dutiful daughter and all that but, well...sometimes you just need to... you know when you... and you can't really... you know what I'm saying?

Me: No, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, it was Yahtzee.

2008-05-05T01:59:00.002-04:00

I told hot pink shirt D that I was going to make a book of all her great quotes. Here are just a few from this past week.

"That's how I roll."

And when we were at Women's Conference Mary and I were all goofy when we were supposed to be reading scriptures. The chapter only had 35 verses, so in order for us to have even number of verses to split we told Mom that she had to make one up. Here it is:

"Oh Lord, help me make it through this night."

And when we were shopping for Prego's new bed we shopped at RC Willey. Hot Pink Shirt D commented that there was a JC Willey back at home. Prego scoffed, "So many Willies!" And D said, "Willy willy!" It was great.

By request

2008-03-22T19:06:00.002-04:00

Mom: Guess who's wearing pink big girl pants, and it's not me!

Oh mom.

Maybe they were from the Moon

2008-03-20T15:41:00.003-04:00

Mom: I like that church building you meet in. I went there once when I was younger.
me: Is that so?
Mom: Yeah, we put on a play there.
me: You don't say.
Mom: We put it on for some Armenians or... well, I don't remember actually where they were from, but I know it was a group of foreign people.

Me no hablo the mother language

2008-03-12T17:18:00.000-04:00

Please read the following excerpt from the current issue of Mom Email:

"This Saturday some of us are thinking about going to JMU for an open house for an art show that Jennie D is having. She graduates this spring in art so I imagine it has something to do with that. Mary is swimming in a relay in the JO meet. I need to check what time because if it is in the afternoon she won't be coming. I'm not sure really who all is coming but I know Carly would like to and Dad hasn't said. I mentioned it when Amy was here this weekend but I'm not sure I really talked with her about it so I don't know about her either."

Does anyone have a link for a google bot that translates momspeak? Oh you cute, cute mom. You with your circular phrasing and your unrelated topic links. Momspeak has all these hidden grammar rules and underlying rhetoric.

Is she inviting me to an art show? I'm not sure.

Does she even know any details about the event? No.

Are all members of the family mentioned in the space of 2 sentences? Almost.

It's 5pm, does she know where her children are? We let her think so, to give her peace of mind.

Oh, mom. I love you.

Even After Twenty Years, Our Moms Can Still Suprise Us

2008-03-10T23:05:00.003-04:00

I was chatting online with my mom (which is a feat in itself). This needs no further explanation for you will see:

Me: So grandma's doing poorly again?
Mom: Yes, and Sandy is rambling on and on about it
Me: Wait, are you on the phone with her right now and talking to me at the same time?
Mom: Yes I am
Me: Wow, mom! That's the coolest thing I've ever heard of you doing!
Mom: Really?!?
Me: Yeah. You know, Aunt Sandy is the cause of the only weakness I see in you and that is saying something because Sandy is an idiot.
Mom: Haha

Making fun of Mom because her hearing is not so good as yours

2008-01-21T09:45:00.000-05:00

I admit, we kinda set her up for this one.

Here's how YOU TOO can create fresh family laughs!

1. Have younger high-school-aged sister strike up conversation about these new-fangled high-pitched ring tones. The idea is that younguns can hear them, but the dilapidated ears of our elders cannot. The kids are using them in the high schools to receive text messages whilst their teachers are none the wiser!

2. Sticking to the subject of ring tones, visit the National Zoo Web page and listen to the animal ring tones. On the call of the Tamarin monkey, discuss its high-pitched sound.

3. Diane walks into the room.

4. Play her the Tamarin monkey ring tone [turned down low for extra effect].

5. Emit peals of laughters when she CAN'T HEAR IT because her ears are TOO OLD!

bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Debbie does DC

2008-01-15T12:41:00.000-05:00

Sweet Lil Debbie came up to DC last weekend to musuem hop with her favorite daughter. Unfortunately, her favorite daughter was in Utah, so she was relegated to spend the day with yours truly and Iggy.
We went to the Corcoran and were turned away at the door because Debbie didn't know there were 4 quadrants in DC. Having spent the greater portion of her life in the DC area, she should feel some shame, but this is Debbie and she doesn't really care about the city and it's particulars.
So we hopped over to the American Indian museum to eat in their delicious cafe. Debbie was kind enough to buy a raspberry tart to share and other equally native american treats.
Debbie was frightened of the city, however, and this was made evident during the following episodes:

1. Sitting in the cafe, Debbie had to go find some condiments but had the courage to leave her purse at the table. "Don't let anyone take my purse!", she whispered as she walked away. This happened twice during the meal, so of course the second time Iggy and I hid the purse. Mom=not happy. Hands went on hips and head was cocked.

2. When Debbie came to my apartment, she kept hovering around the window and then said "how do you open these things?" I asked why she needed to and she replied "I want to make sure nobody is breaking into my car". Haha.

3. This isn't so much of a scared thing, as it is just a Debbie thing. At lunch, she asked me and Iggy very excitedly if we wanted to see her coupons. Iggy and I exchanged glances like -- wow. she has officially reached status of crazy lady -- until Iggy said - "oh, I think you mean gift certificates". To which Debbie replied "Oh! Do you have gift certificates, too??"

We can't wait for Debbie to visit again!!

Moms, senior discounts, and action shots

2007-12-07T19:43:00.002-05:00

Jenny made a good point. I wished my momma a happy birthday from Public Ignoramus, Inc., but really it belongs here at D&D.

So I'm going to double post for a second:

In other notable events, my mom's birthday was this week. Her thoughts on the subject: "Woo-hoo, I'm 55! Do you realize what this means?? I get the senior discount at IHOP and at Shoney's! Hallelujah!"

So yeah, Diane's pretty stoked. It doesn't take much to get my mom excited. We sat down to eat the birthday cake and I tried to snap a couple covert shots but this is what I got:

A perpetual smile. Heh heh, I love how Mary is giving her a dirty look. But seriously. She wouldn't stop with the goofy grin:

So I said, "Mom, stop smiling! I'm trying to take an action shot!" So she made this face:

Just to show how pained she was to have to subdue the excitement. Clar says, "It looks like Mom's really bored with whatever Mary is saying."

And because now we're a cat fambly, here's Joe Fabio playing with the tissue wrap. Commence awwwing.

Who gets more excited about birthdays: Debbie or Diane?

A Common Problem

2007-11-19T15:00:00.000-05:00

There comes a time in every girl's life when she realizes she is turning into her mother, as Iggy has so nobly chronicled.

When I talk to my dad on the phone, if I tell him I have to go, he spits out the words "okay, love you, bye!" rapidfire. I don't have to keep convincing him that my class started three minutes ago.

When I talk to my mom, I tell her I have to go, but she just has to tell me "one more thing" that keeps me on the phone for another mile while I walk back to my house because I realized I forgot my textbook.

When I talk to my friends or even my sisters, I do that "one more thing" thing. It's happening slowly, but just enough to have me worried. Something else, I find myself leaving long, detailed messages about what times the person can call me back that day. "I have class from 1-3 today, and work at 5. You can call me inbetween those times--er no, I have something between those that..."

I know I am not alone. That brings me some comfort.

Worshington

2007-11-14T14:53:00.000-05:00

Spoiler Alert: Another one about the Dads.

As we were discussing the agenda for our upcoming Oklahoma trip, he related to me that we may attend the party of his uncle who he hasn't "seen in a coon's age". After a stunned pause I asked, "Who ARE you!?" He replied, "I'm just getting back to my Oklahoma roots."

Moms just ask that we play nice, if at all possible

2007-10-14T18:08:00.000-04:00

"Your sister's going to a birthday party today," said my mom.

"Oh?" I replied, thinking back to when I was 16 like my sister. "What are they doing?"

"They're going to a place where they shoot people with guns in a room."

There was a long pause as I tried to make sense of this information.

"Ohhh... you mean laser tag?"

Apples to Apples

2007-10-06T23:36:00.000-04:00

Green card: Puffy
Mom's answer: Inside the Sun
Mom's reasoning: Well, we don't know what it's like in there. It's probably puffy!

Also: THE JIG IS UP! ONE OF OUR SUBJECTS KNOWS THIS WEBSITE EXISTS!

Me no speakee english

2007-10-05T18:36:00.000-04:00

As Mom and Jen were looking through this week's grocery sales, Mom noticed a familiar name on a can.
Mom: Ah, chili con carne! Everyone calls it chili now but when I was young we called it chili con carne.
Jen: Oh.
Mom: Yeah. It means Chili with beans.
Jen: (Laughing hysterically).

Not moms but still containing entertainment value

2007-09-24T21:51:00.001-04:00

I know this is a moms blog, but every once in awhile we've got to show our dads a little love, too.

My dad had his birthday a couple weeks ago and so we of course found the perfect gifts for him. My dad is hilarious when he opens a present. He picks it up and inspects the size and shape, and the care with which it was wrapped. Sometimes he even sniffs it. He takes pains to unwrap it without tearing a single corner of the paper. He then exclaims [without fail] "Oh look! A box!" we all giggle at his joke and he then feigns surprise that something might actually be INSIDE the box. When he finally gets around to discovering the actual present he gets even more interested, the whole time checking all its parts and textures and what have you.

It is not unlike the scene from 2001: A Space Odyssey, where the apes inspect the bones of the dead carcass and realized they can be used for many purposes.

Incidentally, Mickey made a cameo at the household in this same birthday scene. He didn't actually come to Richard's birthday party, but apparently he had been to the house a few days before that. He had taken some foil that was lying around and made it into a ball for Jofavio.

Jofavio has tons of other toys but for some reason he prefers this particular foil ball. Thank you Papa Mickey.

Mickey, on cats: "They each have their own personality. They're all different."

Mom's vs. Football

2007-09-21T13:07:00.000-04:00

I've often wondered what our mothers think they know about football, or any sport for that matter. But I think this conversation is just a glimpse into their thought process of the game:

Daughter: Mom, what's a two-point conversion?

Mom: It's when the first team doesn't get a point so they give the ball to the other team and they get two points for getting the ball.

Daughter: What?! You're totally making that up!

Mom: Well that's what I was told it was.

Explaining why I will probably fail the GREs

2007-09-13T11:33:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was my dad's birthday. All us kids went in together on a gift. I pulled out my cell phone to use the calculator and figure out how much we each owed [it was kinda complicated cuz the babies were paying less than us growed-up folk].

It took me a couple minutes and when I glanced at my sister, her brow was furrowed. She was all squinty, she was shaking her head and I could hear her mumbling numbers.

"What are you doing?! I have a calculator right here, just hold on."

She looked at me sheepishly. "But mom always tries to do it in her head."

Oh no. We are all going to turn into our moms, one way or another.

I hope you get it.

2007-09-13T02:23:00.003-04:00

I was talking to my mother in law about what's going on and the conversation went a little like this:
"I'm having a nervous breakdown and my mom is coming out on Saturday for two weeks and I just feel like I'm going crazy."
"Does your mom stress you out that much?"

And pack the coolats

2007-09-11T19:50:00.000-04:00

And as much as we like to tease the ones who brought us into this world, sometimes we just can't live without them. I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown and my mom is dropping everything to take care of me for 2 weeks. God bless our mothers.

It's all fun and games

2007-08-16T13:31:00.001-04:00

I told mom that I would photoshop a different background onto a picture of my little family (the original had us in front of cars in the Mall parking lot). As I sent back the pictures I gave her a call to see her reaction to each.

"Oh, well, that's a neat staircase. But it kind of takes away from you guys, so I probably won't use this one."
(This is us photoshopped into a picture from a video game.)
At this point we kind of look at each other and smile.

"Oh. This looks ok. We'd have to edit out some of the tombstones, I guess."
We are trying really hard to stifle the laughter at this point. Suddenly it dawns on her.
"Did you put some of these in here as a joke?" she asks.
"Mom, we put ALL of them in as a joke!" I reply. With that being said.......

I personally like this one. It looks like we are squinting from the blast, and like AJ is protecting us. She bursts out laughing with this one.

This is the real picture. And she still thought it was a joke I think. Anyways, she didn't like it. I think it's a funny picture because we're in the shade and we're still squinting and sunny.

A good laugh had by us. And hopefully by you too.

This woman taught me what's really important in life

2007-08-12T16:20:00.000-04:00

I know we often use this blog to poke a little harmless fun at our moms. But sometimes I have to just sit back in open admiration of the woman who gave me birth.

I love a lady who so determinedly keeps the bowls of ice cream coming.

Keeping up with the Joneses

2007-08-09T12:39:00.000-04:00

I stoled this from Jenny cuz it's a Debbie moment to air with pride:

"I'm finally in the 20th century," says my Mom.
"The rest of us are in the 21st century," I replied. "You still need to catch up."

It's important to also have a pair in teal to be a real contender for Debbie or Diane

2007-08-01T16:27:00.001-04:00

Karma's a bitch

2007-07-30T23:21:00.001-04:00

So I'm 26 years old, but sometimes, and mainly around my mom, I slip back into the bratty 8-year-old I never was... because actually when I was 8 I was a perfect angel as anyone I knew back then will tell you.

But ANYWAY, Nomadic Gnome and I have been packing up all our belongings to move into the city. About 2 weeks ago I asked my mom for a key to our family's storage unit. She said she would get me one and then promptly forgot about it. I reminded her from time to time. I'm moving tomorrow and it was down to the last couple days. I really really really really needed that key and so I called my mom up to give her a piece of my mind. I recall saying something along the lines of, "Maybe you don't realize I am moving in two days!! I need that gosh darn key!" [because we don't use those types of words around Mom].

The whining and complaining worked and I got my key. Today Gnome and I were discussing how we were going to get everything to our new place, and I needed to take a load of crap to my storage unit. When was I supposed to find the time to do that?

So Gnome says: "You're mom's planning to help us tomorrow, right? Just have her take it over when we're done."

Yes Gnomie, that would be the easy answer. I should do that. But I already made such a huge deal about the key... is there a limit on how many favors we can ask of our moms?

G-rated humor only

2007-07-20T09:42:00.001-04:00

Amy: Have you ever heard of the game BS?
Mom: "Mee-ez?"
Amy: Nevermind.
Mom: It sounds Spanish.

One World

2007-07-17T10:59:00.002-04:00

My brother is a delight to our family, moreso than me or any of my sisters. He is the golden child.

He is going to Spain for a 2 year vacation [as Idaho Rob would say]. This is good news for my mom on account of she speaks Spanish and will go pick him up when he's done. When I was done in Thailand she came to get me along with 2 aunties [one of whom thought we were in Taiwan the entire time].

Because my mom speaks Spanish she is no stranger to being a lone white lady among little brown people. Since she was in her comfort zone I didn't worry too much about her... until I turned my head for one second and when I looked back she was trying to speak to a crowd of Thais. IN SPANISH!

She claims it was a "reflex."

Oh mother. Not all little brown people speak Spanish!

Moms on movies

2007-07-13T11:38:00.000-04:00

When I told my Mom I would be working in Dupont Circle, she got really excited.

Oh I didn't think you knew where Dupont was, Mom.

I don't. I just remember in The American President when the lady says she always gets lost on Dupont Circle. And now you will be working there!

Awesome. My mom has lived in this area for over 30 years and the only thing she knows about one of the more prominent areas of DC is from a movie starring Michael Douglas. That sounds about right.

"I'm" just not "hungry yet".

2007-06-18T16:11:00.000-04:00

We all know that talking to your mom on the phone can be a really frustrating experience. So much so, that I tried for awhile to switch over to email conversation. Less intimidating. No room for biting comments. If you don't want to listen to a run on sentence, skip it.
However, I was completely blindsided.
Nobody warned me about the missile barrage of a little phenomenon I like to refer to as The Quotation Addiction.

Example:

Dear Mom,

Hey how's it going? Wow, life sure is great here. My job is completely awesome and I have been kissing 4 different boys a day! I am getting my PhD and will start saving the world in approximately 3 weeks. Stay posted.

Love,

Daughter

Mom's Effortless Response:
Dear Daughter,

Wow! Sounds like you sure have a "great life"! I think we should "get together" soon and maybe go out for a "lunch date" or an "afternoon of Saturday shopping". I'm so proud of you and your "educational endeavors". Having a daughter like you is "truly a blessing". I love you and good luck making it through the "work week".

Love,

Mom

Ok. So that example was only slightly exaggerated. Seriously. It's out of control and I fear I will have to resort back to the phone! Or she could be using this tactic. If so, it's working! Has anyone experienced this or something similar with their mothers? What advice do you have to offer?

Introduction

2007-06-13T13:32:00.001-04:00

We love our moms, we really do, and they have taught us plenty. But we all know that sometimes they can drive us a little crazy. This blog, written by two daughters, is about our two moms. Their names are Debbie and Diane. Sometimes as we share stories of our moms, we find that they are uncannily similar in everything from their reactions to our liberal lives, to the way they forget what they are saying mid-sentence, and everything in between. If you heard these stories without knowing which mom did it, it would be impossible to differentiate between the two! Thus this whodunnit was born.

Maybe your own moms are a bit more savvy when it comes to picking out clothing or having a cell phone conversation; or maybe as you read you will feel the antics of our moms hit home. If you find that the latter is true, we truly feel that you are one of us. Let us breathe a collective sigh of frustration and get ready to laugh, not only at our moms, but at the little ways that we are becoming like them.